New Schedule

At 6AM my alarm rings, and I am wishing for more sleep despite the fact that I went to sleep at 10 the night before. I find my slippers in the dark and head downstairs to start my coffee, glancing at the 5 lunch bags ready to go standing on the counter. Sandwiches inside with sticky notes for each kid. I shower and have completed what passes as a beauty routine by 6:30. Clothes chosen the night before moves things along.
I head downstairs to sign notes and write checks that I was way too tired last night to fill in. By 6:50 I have some company and breakfast is beginning. I drink some coffee and make sure everyone has something to eat.
I grab Cara dress her, and fix her hair. Everyone has eaten, is dressed with teeth brushed and backpacks in hand, eager to pick a prize from a bowl filled with treats. I say good by and head into school. Work is a blur of activity. Trying to reach children who struggle and understanding very clearly how much parents are counting on this working, I give it all I have.
I pack up and head to the post office and then to Accent Master. I drink a diet coke to keep me going, desperate to go get the boys from school and to see my babies after their long day at school.
Finally it is 5:30 and I can go! I pick up the boys. I am so happy when we walk in the door. Tell me everything, but they don't, they tell me nothing. I know now that the school stories come at night when they are laying in their beds. Then I get my delicious glimpses into their day. Oh I wish I could be a fly on the wall and see how they negotiate this new world.
Everyone is alseep. The kitchen needs to be cleaned, the lunches packed, the living room picked up. I wish I could pick up one of my sleeping babies right now, and cuddle up with them on the couch.

If you don't like bitter please don't read

There are things I should be doing here. In this place called work. None of which have to do with writing the second blog post of the summer. Well I actually started a much sunnier post a few weeks back, but I recently ran out of cheap Chardonnay and so my disposition is quickly deteriorating.

I have 10 people in my house, now this is not the maelstrom it may be for others as I normally have 8 people in my house. Oh and in the name of full disclosure my SIL has been hosting two member's of the family for the last 48 hours. A decision made hastily at the end of a late night swim party. This has increased my anxiety instead of decreased it, because as I get older I am very definitely becoming much more darker in my outlook ( maybe they fell off the boat, didn't use sun screen or started talking about their privates again, a new and apparently hysterical topic).

So yes I have a lot people basically loitering and using up a lot of toilet paper which no one but I have demonstrated the skill of replacing. I hate to lord my incredible skill set over others but when they are of this magnitude who can resist. That is right. I can work 40 hours a week and replace toilet paper. I do indeed get a lot done.

Another remarkable talent I have is feeding these troops totally uninspired and depressingly un-nutritous meals. In fact one night I brought Mikie to tears over a hot dog, just to read the package and find out that it is 120 calories and 110 from fat. I should have just let him do shots of lard and called it a meal.

Not that anyone should think that I don't have fun, I did take 9 people on a camping trip. Where we (and by we I mean 2 of us) set up camp in a pouring rain storm and then proceeded to feed them unhealthy food in more tedious cooking situation then usual.

Despite a summer of visiting my parents at their lake front resort-like setting, dragging kids to the beach, about 10 pool parties, a gala birthday party, camping, movies under the stars, a fair of the old-style scary carny variety, late night beach walks, bike rides and pool swims, and intensive tutoring for the kids in math and reading every conversation with my superhypermom friends reminds me of what I failed to do, from amusement parks, to basketball camp I have come up short. I am worn out and battered from the summer. This mad dash seems to now be how parenting is defined, no wonder everyone is medicated (how did everyone score those prescriptions? I must be going some pansied doctors..hello mother's little helpers..and they get you through the day, get you through your busy day la, la la oh doctor please some more of these outside the door she took 4 more)

Granted it may not have been brilliant to give birth to entire neighborhood of children in 3 years time.

Next summer we will embrace the phrase "less is more".

No more feeling guilty because I can't spend every spare moment in full-throttle entertainment mode. Oh and that I don't want to, that really bothers me what is wrong that I don't want to always do fun stuff? Maybe because fun recently has meant we will laugh and have fun, while you pay the tab and chase after children, clean and cook. Oh now I really sound as bitter as you all believe me to be, oh and please forgive my but this post may have been the best 30 minutes of my summer!

So here I am with 3 weeks to be home with the kids...and wow it just becomes more fun. Tonight is the eve of our first ever tent camping trip. Of course storms are predicted, but for this evening who cares. As we play in the backyard watching a storm roll in., exciting as they always are. The clouds making the night suddenly appear in the middle of the day, the thunder still off in the distance, the wind kicking up.
Now inside the kids and I listen to the great music of MJ. They are having fun, on the edge of out of control, but with no other adults to speak to, the chaos is less grating. That is why sometimes on your own with the kids is easier.

Chris gets into the spirit of the evening gleefully grabbing the calculator and saying I am going to do 3 times 300!! Oh this is a wild Friday night before vacation!

random

It has been too long between posts! I see now I even have a follower to this blog, so maybe I should take it a bit more seriously as my fans are waiting with baited breath for my next riveting family of Bo story.

Well we have been up to too much to even consider sharing all of it. School is coming to a close and Matthew and Christopher have made me endlessly proud.
So we need to get ready for summer. Plans are being made. Once such plan includes the 7 of us and a 3 room tent.

So this weekend was the trial run. I was mercifully saved from this trial by Matthew who chose not to sleep out in the tent in Nonni's backyard. What motivated him to skip these shenanigans is a mystery still to me.
Rumor and a few snapshots indicate that a wild night was had in the wilds of Queens with those who chose to tough out the adventure. Matthew and I snuck out to the movies and then had a quiet breakfast the next day. What was at the root of this move by Matthew was never actually discovered, but it was still a good evening for everyone in their respective places. This marks the 3rd night since coming home from the hospital that the babies have been out for an entire night without me.

The babies have started to vacation without me, it is a disturbing trend. Previous to the camping trip was an independent 2 night adventure at gram and pappas' which they accomplished apparently without an ounce of regret. Well good for them, I guess.

Some prize remarks from the 5 amigos
" I keep my butt in my underwear!"-Mark
" YOu people are RIDICULOUS!" Cara
passing a graveyard " oh look at all the people who got killed, was there a battle there?"-Matt
"I still love Lauren, but I don't want Matt to know"-Chris
"Cosmo's not a real dog"
"how do you know"
"he don't poop"-Mikie

Thats it for today!

What a day

Some days are fun, big gifts...like going to the amusement park, or the beach. They come wrapped in bright paper with big bows on top. You anticipate their arrival and dust off the camera.

Other days you are more like today. You can't even identify them as a gift, because there is no wrapping paper, no bows in sight. You just wake up and a gloriously simple day rolls out to you. Where the kids play in patches on sunlight on your living room floor. They stop to give you a quick hug or share a thought. The smell of something baking in the oven as you move seamlessly even dare I say effortlessly, toward a good meal at the end of this day, this true gift. A chance to enjoy the efforts of all you have worked for. Breathe it in, move slowly, don't distract yourself with thought, just be in the moment, be in the gift.

got to the beach

So maybe we are pushing the whole summer agenda, by hitting the beach the minute the mercury goes above 50, if any of those thermometers use mercury anymore. This beach picture was taken, when avoiding the water was still the goal. After a bit several of them lost their fear and shoes, socks and pants were wet and crusty with sand. Luckily our car usually has random pieces of clothing we can throw on.

Where are you?

On my way to work each morning I pass a high school with dozens of kids streaming off the public buses, down the streets and onto their campus. I look though the crowd and try to find Matthew and Christopher. Oh that's what he'll be like, no wait, not that disheveled, no not that.... well, pierced. I can never find Matthew, though that maybe just a reflection of the neighborhood that does not produce many blond kids. Though his hair may be darker by then, at least in the winter.
This trip I realized I should look for a Cara, Mark and a Mike as well. Cara I can see in almost all of the pretty girls in their stylish jeans and furry boots, long glossy hair spilling out of their "Eskimo" coats. Walking with friends or boyfriends. I see her in the Pizza parlor I often share with the high school lunch crowd. I overhear pieces of her future conversations about the swim team, the school work and peals of laughter drifting off the table where she sits in clumps of kids.
I can't seem to find all of my boys though. I don't have any idea what they will look like, the roles they will either choose or be forced into. It takes my breath away when I see a table full of these energetic and healthy teenagers and realize there are just 5 sitting there. My lucky dining room table in 10 short years,at least on the days I can get them there all together, ah my future is so bright I have to wear shades!
What will we be like? Can we talk? How can I bring the relationships now into the future? It is scary and exciting. On rough days they want to sit close to me, they glow when I make the time to sit and play a game, and endless desire to hold my attention. A bad patch made up for by swooping the kid into my arms kissing the bridge of his nose, or ticking his tummy. These easy outs for mistakes, harsh words or lost patience will no longer be available to me. What will take their place? Will I have learned to be more cautious, not criticize and hold my tongue? What will the cost of that be? They will no longer really know me if I can't speak directly, if each word is guarded. There will be an inevitable gap.
I do see, despite what every ICarly, and Hannah Montana show would like you to believe, parents close to their teenagers. I look with trepidation and despite my misgiving excitement toward the kids future. I think they will continue to bring me laughter and heartbreak similarly to how it is now.