Every day my life changes. An expected behavior or a hand needed with a task can change without notice. The kids find their indempendence and refuse to relinquish it, no matter that it takes no less than 8 minutes for the boys to flip their coats on and zip them up, they do not want any help thank you very much. The triplets refuse to be treated like babies, their ice cream should be in cones not cups! Who do I think they are?
Today I registered Matthew and Christopher for kindergarten and I feel the bottom slipping our from underneath me, the sentimental fool that I am. I am on the verge of tears, despite the fact that the way things are, the constant running and play dates has me on the brink of exhaustion, I do not want to let them go.
I brought the fab five to a playground, playdate of the boys. We saw sky writing and Matthew thought God was writing us a letter. Chrisopher tells me that after Ami goes to meet Jesus he is going to get a new dog, if it is really big he will name it Jupiter, if it is kinda big he will name it Uranus ( It think I will have to put the kabash on that choice!) How can I let these conversations go? I know I should be relieved that they will be off having a great time and learning, but these little talks are priceless.
I guess it will allow me more time to have these types of engaging conversations with Cara, Mark and Mikie. They have already begun chatting away about life with us and their views will only be getting clearer as the months roll by. At Myrtle Beach, Mikie took a pretty big spill and Steve was comforting him, while Cara screamed "daddy, daddy, daddy..." Finally he said "CARA WHAT IS IT!" in the sweetest smallest voice she said "he fell." Steve after a beat said "Thanks, captain obvious."
There are days when I want to run far, far away to a quiet corner with a tall cafe latte, and read and read all day long with out a care. Then there are times when I wish I could lock us all in a beautiful, sunny room where the world could never find us.
So please don't go yet little ones, you mommy is not ready. Please stay by her side and give her your sunny smiles and your tears of heartache, don't reach out to the big bad world, I am too worried that my hugs woln't be able to heal what it brings your way. I am too afraid that the world will tell you that you shouldn't need my hugs anymore.
But you are too fast, too strong, too young and the world is so shiny and new as tempting as a treasure chest. So off you go..and i'll plant a smile on my face and wave..but if you stumble and fall, I will be at your side before you touch the ground just like my mother did for me.